we as a society need to start talking about abusive friendships, bc those exist and seem to be really common
and most people in them dont know how do deal w the abuse bc its normally emotional abuse which.gets delegitimized, and its a platonic relationship and not a romo or sexual one, so it gets delegitimized for that too
A friend was in town over the weekend, and just as he left, he said “Hey–we broke up. I wanted to tell you. And I wanted to thank you for always reminding me that it’s okay to be single.”
He’s an old friend, in the awesome little brother category, a smart and sensitive person who’d been trying to make a relationship work. And there was a lot of pressure for him to make it work, because it would turn him into that magical thing our culture loves to celebrate—a married person!
And I’m so happy that my you are significant with or without a significant other mantra was valuable to him. That’s kind of one of my things—one of the things I love to tell people. A couple other things I love to tell people: go to counseling, make your own salad dressing, just about anyone can run a marathon. But I digress.
I love to tell people that it’s okay to be single because so many of my very favorite people are single. And it breaks my heart when they feel like they’re less or half or waiting around for their real lives to start. That’s garbage.
You are significant with or without a significant other. Marriage isn’t like being named prom queen. It’s a partnership, one I love being a part of. But it doesn’t make me more special. It’s not a status symbol.
Here’s the truth: some of the worst people I know are married. I don’t know how it happens. And some of the truly best people I know are single. I don’t know how that happens, either.
But what I do know is it’s not about the fundamental value of the person in question. Your value is not up for grabs, and certainly your value is not riding on a cultural obsession with romance and tulle and diamonds.
we’ve taught girls to romanticise nearly everything a boy does. when i was younger i thought it was cute that boys chased the girl even after she said no. i loved it when after a girl moved away from a kiss, the guy would pull her back and force it on. i thought a guy saying ‘i won’t take a no for an answer’ was passionate and romantic. we’re literally always teaching girls to romanticise abusive traits.